Hello lovely human!
It seems like it should be the easiest thing, doesn't it? To be ourselves. But past experiences and our ever-present fear of rejection and judgement make the whole thing is much harder than it should be.
I have a book coming out later this year called Turn Fear into Courage. As someone who has lived much of my life with my fight, flight, freeze, fawn response turned all the way up, and who has expressed fear in so many ways – people pleasing, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, staying hidden, inaction, avoidance – fear is something I know very well. Unsurprisingly, I have been crapping my pants about the release of this book.
Unlike my first book, Enemy, which was a memoir, this is more of a self-help/ mental health book with a smattering of personal story. Instead of simply telling my story and researching and finding evidence to support an argument, I am sharing my own unique perspective on fear and courage. The book is a guide that allows you to perceive fear with new eyes so you don’t feel so trapped by it and to transform the energy of fear into courage through action.
Instead of this is my story, I hope it helps others, this book has involved me taking ownership over the value of the lessons I have learnt after a lifetime spent grappling with fear while taking courageous action. It has meant revealing my true self and my most heartfelt thoughts and ideas in an entirely different way than I have done before. It is ironic, that the exact experience I am describing in the book, is the one I am living through as I write it.
This book has put me firmly outside of my comfort zone. It has made me feel vulnerable and uncertain. Those fear gremlins have been hard at work asking me Who do you think you are? What do you know? Why would anyone want to read this?
But I think this is how it is for all of us, when we grow and change and dare to speak our truth to the world. Have you ever experienced this? Where there is a next step you need to take to achieve a vision, or a truth you need to share, but the discomfort of the fear you experience as you think of taking that next move or sharing your perspective holds you back?
It is the suckful thing about growth. By its very nature, it stretches us. Anyone who has done yoga knows that stretching can be painful. But we also know that despite the fear that our muscles may actually snap from the unholy pretzel position we are holding, it is possible for us to bear it and to persist, and pretty soon we find ourselves downward dogging with the best of them.
One of the things that evokes our fear the strongest is being our true selves with others. If you struggle with this, I hope this except from my book might help.
Speak your truth
No matter what fear might be trying to tell you, it is possible to bear the discomfort of saying the wrong thing, the true thing, the thing you really mean, and to back yourself, even if what you say is unpopular and no one else agrees.
You don’t have to do this in one fell swoop. Courage muscles are grown over time. Say what you actually think instead of what you imagine people want to hear one time with someone who doesn’t matter too much. Do it again, with someone who matters a little more. Practicing saying no to others. Practice saying yes to yourself.
It will scare you each time you do it. Leave you feeling exposed and unsafe. It will make some people unhappy. Mostly those people who enjoyed all the taking without wanting to give anything in return. But eventually being yourself, owning what you want, and taking up space will became the norm.
Little by little you grow your courage. Little by little, your life becomes your own.
Some videos I have created that you might be interested in...
If you like videos like this you might want follow me on youtube or tiktok.
Ideas and perspectives
FROM OTHERS:
"“One day, the mountain that is in front of you will be so far behind you, it will barely be visible in the distance. But the person you become in learning to get over it? That will stay with you forever. And that is the point of the mountain.”
Brianna Wiest
